It seems proper to start this series with my mother, my first teacher. She taught me so many things without my knowing until her death at the age of 99 with her fairness, forgiving nature, curiosity, and life-long learning.
Mother –
Meenakshi
She lived to
be almost 100. She did not have much “schooling”, but she was an “educated and
wise” lady. I interviewed her for close to 6 hours when she was 99 years old and
recorded our conversation. When I summarized her message to the younger
generation (she lived long enough to see the 5th generation) for a monograph, these were the lessons she taught:
Forget and forgive; Adapt to time and place; Be straight forward;
Practice compassion; Use kind words and Be flexible.
She was a
life-long learner. She used to read till her final days. At the age of 92, she
found an error in an article published in a local journal. She wrote to the
editor and the editor published the correction!
She taught
how to write. Her letters in Tamizh used to read like short stories.
She taught
me to be non-adversarial in my relationships. Two of her famous statements were: 1. “do
not corner people during discussions. If you do, they will behave like a
cornered angry cat. They will see no escape and will pounce on you and excoriate
you”. 2. “relationships are fragile like mirrors. If you break it, you can put
it back, but the image will not be the same”. These two points taught me to
think about their applicability to human relations in general. I learnt that “once
you take a matter to a lawyer and a court, reconciliation becomes impossible”.
She also
taught me to adapt to situations without being rigid.
She thought
that everyone, irrespective of age, sex, economic status, should be respected
and treated with dignity. She practiced it.
In
responding to questions regarding the life-style of younger generation, she
used to say: “ We have lived our lives. It is now your time. Do what you need
to”.
There are
two other lessons both Ramaa and myself learnt from her. 1. After doing any
housework, particularly cooking, she will not sit and rest until the kitchen
and the utensils were all cleaned up. Her reason was: “ this work has to be
done sooner or later. If you let things stay in the sink, they will dry up and
cleaning is that much harder and will take more time”. 2. In giving gifts and
giving away family heirlooms she used to say: “What is the use of keeping those
jewelries till I die when I can see my children enjoy them now?”
And her
wisdom was shown in her answer to two questions during my long interview. When asked about her view of after-life, she said:
“No one who left this world came back to tell me what it is about. So, I do not
have a definite opinion”. When asked about major changes that have occurred in
the society during her lifetime, she said: “The freedom women enjoy now
compared to when I was young is the most important one”.
I plan to
end each segment with some quotes on learning. Here is the first set.
“Some
books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and
digested”- Francis bacon (The Complete
Essays of Francis Bacon. Washington Square Press, 1963. Page 130)
“A room
without books is like a body without a soul” – Cicero
“The
reading of all good books is like a conversation with the finest minds of past
centuries” – Rene Descartes
“That is
the thing about books. They let you travel without moving your feet” – Jhumpa Lahiri
1 comment:
A beautiful tribute to a wonderful soul!
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